ha!

item 1
i have to go interview for another scholarship, my mother wants me to dress in pink, i want her to stop with the pink already... i wear black..and other colors, occasionally...i want white, i will NOT wear pink
item 2
i let my sister cut my hair, i look like i need to be involved in a couple's only skate at the local roller rink..i think this is what's called feathering... i jest, i actually do look like a pony, but that's normal... i have found that i actaully need to do something with this hair now, as wearing it in braids at night makes me look like a trucker whose hat is too tight... so i actaully went out and bought mousse... erk...
item 3
saiyuki has now come out with a movie... saiyuki: requiem... i am putting off watching it until i read some more of germinal... oh... pain! i need it like a drug :) it was waaay expensive, or, at least it was expensive for a hardee's employee still in high school used to buying off the exchange rack in the back of wal-mart... i hope it does not dissappoint... what am i saying? of course it will be marvelous... please... i'm going to watch it in japanese, with english subtitles... it's a good excuse for me to listen to japanese, i'm all into the theory of learning by ear... :) well, anyhow, that's what i tell my parents :) truth be told... i'm just obsessed!!!
item 4
i watched animatrix, i got it inexchange for my copies of samurai champloo, which i traded for a brief period of time on the secret watauga high anime/mange black market... it was good..it was a fix... i enjoyed it!
item 5
jon has contacted me agian, i realise he is not wiccan, i realise he is awesome, and blond, and, unfortunatly very far away... for me at least... but i still miss him horribly... grrrr... i had hoped for a signifigant other in canada... but elon might work :) at least then life wouldn't be all about fighting and sex, it would be about i FINALLY get to see you! a sorta lets be nice to each other, go out for sake and get snizzled, then wake up in someone else's clothes! hehhhehe... wait... isn't that what visits to kt-ness (sorrowfully few) supposed to be for? ah well... i can't ever talk to him or anthony regualarly, them being at work (that was horrid grammer) when i am not, and i really want to pose this, as i just thought of it...!!! enough explainations... would my 'tony be willing to put up with letting someone sleep on the couch for a night, and would my jon be up for it??? i understand if neither of you wants... and i realise that you would far rather said person sleep at my house, both of you, but the parents would spit fire (i shall ask them anyway, i was thinking in last resort about the whole tony couch thing, but i feel it is safer to ask such things far in advance, it's called parallel stratgey or some such thing) you do have lives and i am sometimes far too demanding... but i just had an idea, and was casting it to the void (a reference to something i can't remember)... i love you both!!! don't kill me for suggesting this!

oops!

so anyway...
unlike what my stupid -love you pretty one!- sister typed ( i made her post for me), i meant tools, not fools, and i was refering to a sculpture that i am working on in crafts (whitaker lets me do stuff even though i didn't take the class) and she is a piece of work, let me tell you, my last one was a HE not a SHE so people thought i was talking about a guy then... and if one perv will get his mind outta the gutter, i so did not mean a chick, i would tell you guys if i'd found a new beauty to chase... and if a certian BEAUTIFUL and GORGEOUS and WICKED AWESOME blond personage will stop being off the net evertime i want to talk to him, i might consider coming and living in his room for a few months... (j/k) I MISS YOU JON!!!!! AND I LOVE YOU!!! AND YOU'RE PROBABLY THE REASON I CAN'T GET A DATE UP HERE! SO GET YOUR SLIMEY LITTLE WICCAN ANTI-DATING CHARMS OFF OF ME!!!
hahaahaha... i was so kidding... it's so sweet of you to get a blog... and no, i would have had no idea who you were if not for the lovely princess reference...

clearing a few things up..

oh gods, she is beautiful
if i don't stop seeing her in my mind i will go mad
i hold my hands out, the fools inadequit, the vision impure, and there is nothing i can do to keep her from coming out as perfect as life...there has got to be something that will drag this down, something that will warp the clay, but for now, I burn with obsession, I can't stop...I can't stop and it's taking too long

monday, or sunday, but really monday...oh, drat it...

~today we are iced/snowed in... meaning one cannot walk up to feed the heathens without busting one's arse... and it's hell to get anywhere... yesterday was the first of my hard fought (and won!!!) sunday's off from work, i cut them a deal, 3 out of every 4 sundays, i get off to do homework and sleep and lord what a homework load, four classes decided to dump on me... euro, english, adv fun& math, and bio... i have finished the a.f.m (wheyhey!!! no more math!!!) with help from mum (frickin' math genius parents, stupid kid... funny how that works) on one really bitchy problem... ( 1/1-(3/(2+w))=60) they expect me to be able to solve this??? tell me truly, where will i use this later? i am under the illusion that subjects in school are not there to actaully teach ua anything, but rather to teach us ways of thinking... i will never use the quadratic formula later in life, but i know how to construct such a thing and in the end, that disipline of thought pattern will help me to construct a useful solution to something else... maybe i'm reaching here, once agian inadequitly attempting to explain something i think but cannot express... maybe i'm just attempting to justify a completely useless class... whateva'
~jason's birthday party is on this friday... really looking forward to it... still have no clue waht to get him...maybe a gift card? possibly, but to where? i was thinking walden books, but i really don't think that's gonna be much help to jason, don't think he's too much into manga or guides to better one's self through mediation...i wonder if expression's gives out gift cards? i could possibly get him half of the amount i wanted to give him there, and then put the rest into something like walmart... i never know what to get people... *sigh* i ended up giving josh[ie] light bulbs and hairbands... granted, they were ornametal lightbulbs with smiley faces and fishes on them, nad the hair bands were a gag gift, but still, that's what happened last time someone did what jason has done and told me "not to get them anything" i hate that, they all gave me stuff on my birthday, i need to return the favor... enough ranting... ah-ha! i will give him a small gift card and a poster of some hot babe with the words "to jason with love, cya later baby"or something like that on it... *thanks for the idea oh paige and sally! paragons of love wisdom and frantic sexual energy... (giggles insanely)* a functional gift and a gag gift... it's brilliant i tell you!!! brilliant!!!
~the heathens (the aforementioned caprine) look like large overblown marshmellows... are they cold, do you think?...
~began the ardous but highly enjoyable process of re-watching samurai champloo last night, unfortunatly, it would appear that either my laptop is fried or afflicted with some sort of odd video-virus or the disks are wonkered, cause they work just fine on the desktop computer, but not on my laptop... *gak* i might just hold josh[ie] to his promise to teach me how to program... and i think i might have offended han's bif (i hate typeing bf, it looks retarded... so from now on, ###@$$%&&^$(censored)-boi will be known as The BIF) by suggesting that i let mum take the laptop to the ASU computer people to frisk it for buggies... i know he was a geeksquad member, but i mean, come on here... sorry already... i THOUGHT it would be an imposition to ask him to look at my laptop... i mean come on here, he does have a life that i was trying not to infringe on... *grumbles*
~my copy of jurassic park is missing about twenty pages... if anyone has a copy that i might be able to copy the pages out of, i would be most appreciative... and NO I AM NOT BUYING ANOTHER COPY!!!!!!!!! i will stick with my ghettofied copy... making it a quest to fix mine up with several copies of pages...hA!!!!! i WILL triumph!

shakespeare moment

Sonnet LX

like the waves make towards the pebbled shore
so do our minutes hasten to their end
each changing place with that which goes before
in sequent toil all forwards do contend
nativity, once the main of light
crawls to maturity, wherewith being crown'd
crooked eclipses 'gainst his glory fight
and Time, that gave, doth now his gift confound
time doth transfix the flourish set on youth
and delves the parallels in beauty's brow;
feeds on the rarities of nature's truth
and nothing stands but for his scythe to mow
and yet, to times in hope, my verse shall stand
praising thy worth, despite his cruel hand


yeah...Shakespeare people, the Bard himself..oh, and unless i ask someone out tomorrow like i vowed to do, claire, luke, john and some weirdo named Bob the Canadian are going to never speak to me agian... (finally, a chance to get a little peace and quiet... :) ) ok! ok! i give, i'll do it, damn, this is sooo hard....but hey, social retardation can be over come!!!
oh and, about the Canadian guy...funny...like a male Claire... kinda odd....oh well....

application

i have decided that i am now through with trying to get people to notice my amorus intentions through telepathy alone, so i now offer, for your convenience, my audience, the first and only copy of todays modern lover's application...for me, anyway..........

the non-offensive personal assesment and offering up of body and soul (mainly body, have no use for a soul) non-partisan compatability with me test

*also known as a "signifigant other application for interested parties"*
*feel free to elaborate as much as you possibly could want*

name:

age:

sex*doesn't care about gender, but would like to know*:

sign:

height:

coloration (of hair and eyes, doesn't care about skin):

hair length:

would you describe yourself here please? physical evaluation only, we'll cover mental attributes later:

career goals:

genre of prose intrest (ie. sci-fi, fantasy, crime drama etc.):

accent found most attractive (ie. french, canadian, american, etc.):

prefered weapon?:

inside or outside person?:

pets (both current and wanted):

foreign languages spoken:

any martial arts training?:

if i asked you to come with me to Venus, would you: a. think i was being perverse and/or suggestive b. think i was asking you to come on a spiritual journey to Nirvana and was only refering to it as Venus for reasons of my own or c. understand that i was speaking of the actual planet Venus, worry about the poisonous atmosphere and ask about fuel

would you be ok with an open relationship? (meaning that i don't care who you sleep with as long as you tell me, it's not every night and you come back to me *most important part here, the coming back is the only thing i'm concrete about*):

would you be bitter about the fact that i have a very hectic schedule and little free time, or would you be happy with whatever time we spent togather?:

if i don't get jealous easily, would it bother you?:

does my typing/spelling already bother you?:

if i said "that hoopy frood sure knows where his towel is" would you understand what i meant and be able to tell me which book it was from?:

Star Trek, Star Wars, or Stargate?:

are you ok with tattoos/multiple pierceings (ok, well, two sets, but hey)?:

does the fact that my mother might eat your soul bother you?:

do you like to swim?:

does profanity bother you?:

if i sometimes stare at you like you are possibly crazy, would it bother you immensely?:

would you understand that sometimes i need to go off by myself and be alone, or would you try to follow me and make me tell you what is wrong? (the latter is not nessarily a bad thing):

what do you view as a strong point in your mental attributes?:

if you have a weakness, what is it?:

can you honestly say that you could be understanding and try not to scream too loudly in agony if i decide to play Rush tapes in the car?:

if i "accidently" set something on fire...would you freak out or be the type to hand me another box of matches and lend me a hand with the big stuff?:

are you artsy?:

are you tolerant of a person's right to be whatever as long as it's not near you?:

are you into public displays of affection and to what degree?:

would it bother you that i might not eat in front of you?:

play any instuments?:

computer savvy?:

want kids and/or marrige?:

your views on outer space:

are you a people person? or do you just accept them as being there, wish they'd quit tripping over your bubble and hope one day that you can move off to a secluded wooded area where all that talks to you are the bunnies and the people on the phone:

-and finally-

do you think that i would find you the sort of person i might one day trust to hold me when i sleep:

frustration

argh!
this is NOT working... i am all for a bit of going out agian, i guess, but i just can't seem to get it togather... i mean, i decide i've found someone to develop a crush on, i give it an honest go for a few days, and then forget about it entirely...then it's like "oh!, right, sorry, sorry, i am supposed to like you!" *gak* for a teenager, i sure have an absent minded sexuality... how am i supposed to function in this world if i am not at least adjusted to the idea of the perfect partner? well, having no sex drive gives me plently of time for other things... i really need to get it togather here... i'm running out of time... i have only given my self a few more years with which to concentrate on things of human origin, then i'm going all reclusive until i bust outta here in the most galactic way imaginable...

snow daze (days)

well, today we were actaully supposed to be out anyway, Martin Luther King Day... a holiday that, until i moved up here, i thought everyone took off every year, but then, i was from a city comunity, and this is a, erm, bleached, (shall we say? ) area... and we didn't last year, and it has been, apprently a day that is often taken away from this school system because of snow... mum is adventureing in the culinary arts agian, this times she's attempting orange marmalade... i still don't know how it will turn out, it looks a bit iffy...
i spent today avoiding doing everything i probably should have done, which i do everyday i end up off from both work and school... it's a rare enough occurance that i take great pleasure in making tremedously long to-do lists the night before and then ignoring them completely... i watched several James Bond movies (sean connery rocks... shall we all bow to the God Of The Car?) and then a couple of Star Trek movies, one of which i am in the middle of right now... i love all of the trek universe, but i especially love the characters of Spock, Data and Q...with the characters of Checov, McCoy, and Laxwana Troi being second... i suppose i should watch other of the Star Trek series, but i think i will remain a Original Series and Next Generation fan until the bitter end... i suppose that paramount/desilu is to blame for my current fixtation with the galaxy... blast them and their series... i could have been a cancer/aids resercher, and now all i'm worried about is rocket science :)

well now...had a bit of an emotional sneak attack today in school...never good, i think the little horrid buggers were trying to get back at me for ruthlessly stomping them into the ground and then spiting on the mangled remains...
so, sitting in the back of ap euro, and all of the sudden, i can't stop shaking, so i put my head down on my desk, and lo and behold! i start tearing up! wtf?!? i wonder, starting to panic... so i spend the entire class trying increasingly frantically to stop from crying and to stop my hands from shaking so badly so that i can take notes, and hoping to all heaven in it's glory that no one will notice, because i know that if anyone asks me about my odd behavour then i will break down entirely, and that is NOT ACCEPTABLE, not in front of that many people, i will not show weakness... then i *sweet relief* manage to make it out of class and into the hall, where i, of course, get trampled, like usual, even though i'm nearly six feet tall and i am NOT hard to miss, being a rather large personage... and finally arrive, just in the nick of time, into the arms of my sister han, who rocks me until i stop shaking... nome arrives in time to hug me too, so i must say i love you too ladies, but i can't uderstand what happened... why did i lose it like that? it can't be anything relationship related, as i'm currently between them, and even though i had the feeling of drowning in despair, i am no more depressed then usual (most people describe depression as a state to be avoided, but i find it nessesary for my art/life/dreaming being to work. it is a state i am familiar with and it never leaves me. i suppose the fact that i am able to be at peace with my depression and accept it as an integral part of me is what makes people often mistake my crass, brazen, loud mouthed public self for my real personality, which is no more tehna front spawned of being extremly uncomfortable with humanity. i don't really think it's depression actaully, i think i just have a dark mentality, a sort of deep intergral calm that is rarely broken except for the surface tension of everyday teenaged existance... i hesitate to say soul, as i am not sure that i do indeed have a proper one) i just cannot figure out any other logical explaination for my loss of control this afternoon. it puts me in rather an awkward situation, as i had to be comforted by several people, and this incarnation of myself finds emtional outbursts to be rather embarassing... i think that this sort of thing will happen agian if i keep repressing/denying my emotions... eventually, my control will once agian be broken without warning... but what choice do i have? i can either risk my serenity by letting the tides of a horomone driven mental malestrom decide my every action, or i can continue along this path, the one that means i continue with my practice of gradual emotional eradication/ dormentation... i think that learning to harness and curb my emotional influences will help me with making more rational decisions and enable me to become the being i strive to make myself, but i worry about what might happen to me if i do not let at least some of my emotions come through. i am, after all, human in body. and with that comes the squalid tempermental tourture of being human in mentality as well. at least today proved that there is, at least, a wall to break, which means that i am that much nearer to acheiving my goal. but, just as i cannot follow the more moderate path that most people would expect of of my all-pleasing personality, so i cannot choose when to allow my build up of emotions to flow.

my parents think i am crazy.
okay, perhaps i should explain that this is quite diffrent from the normal crazy-child my parents label me. this requires a little history, so let us begin.
when i was younger i stumbled across a new book on my gran's shelf (a shelf that held all sorts of wonderfully facinating and pretty books with fairy tales and talking animals and every little kids' fantasy-dreaming on paper) it was called the Pressed Fairy Book...nevermind what it was about, if you've read it, you'll know. and it had, of course, pictures of pressed (squashed) fairies in it..but, as everyone knows, fairys do not wear much clothing..so when mum and my gran found out i was reading it... they confiscated it... or rather hid it... and denied it's existance for almost five years, until i saw it at a book store much later, when i'd all but forgotten about it... so what you say? well, that book was the begining of my sisters and father NEVER believing ANYTHING i say...of course, after everyone knew the truth about the book, that incedent was cleared, but everything else was the same! no matter how much i swore i'd seen and read the book, no one would believe me!!! and no matter how much i swore, ranted raved, got really high pitched and squeaky... NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE ME THAT MUM, DAD AND I HAD A TWENTY MINUTE CONVERSATION LAST NIGHT ABOUT THE NAVAJO INDIANS AND THE MOVIE WINDTALKERS!!!!!!
so they sit there at the dinner table, talking baout what movies to get next (mum got a movie pass)... and dad goes, what about that one with the army and the hopi indians?and i go..no dad it's the navajo indians..remember, we talked about this last night... dad looks at me....blank as a post... i look to mum, who usually laughs this sort of thing off with me and we put it down to dad getting loopy... mum is looking at me blankly too... this is weird say i, laughing... and they still, two hours later...keep looking at me sideways and laughing togather...and craking jokes about sending me to the nut farm...and i'm getting a little hysterical here...
I'M NOT CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sniffing

oh yeah, wanted to ask if anyone else thought that the phrase " you smell nice" was a compliment or just dead creepy...i mean, i'm really sensative to smells, so much so that if the people around me change something like their deoderant or their shampoo, it can throw me for days, it's probably because i remember people by the way they smell, because i'm so very horrid with names...but still, though i occasionally sniff good friends (haha, sorry about that sally)i don't say anything about it...that's just a little creepy...although......maybe i should start saying shit like htat..throw people so that i have time to run or something..hahahha..... *amuses self occasionally with great success*

doggie-boi with a chip

sorry about not being on so much lately my pretty ones, but greg has gotten me hooked on a certian dog eared half demon named inuyasha (sp) and i've been a tad busy watching episodes 1-51 (currently on # 15)but i have to say, i'm getting quite hooked on this japanese pop culture thing, not that i already didn't like certian aspects about japanese, but i'm really laying into these mangas/animes (yay! how much fun!) i got .hack (vol 1&2) from jim for chrismas (lovely guy :) ) and josh[ie] gave han and me vol 1&2 of the very weird FLCL (seriously, if somehting blows my mind, it's gotta be more then standarly weird, i mean, the brain is scrambled as it is :) ) so while i'm off feeding on a daily dose of fantasy, you guys check those things out!