can't seem stop thinking about Him tonight...
i had dreams the nights after, and in those dreams, i said goodbye, and He smiled and told me that everything was okay and touched my face and told me to take care of Her...

why give me this Sight if it couldn't even show me this?

i brought the roses... white like they should have been... i cut my wrist and let the blood drip
drip
drip
drip, drooling in thin brilliant streamers down agianst the roses under that tiny fragile tree..

i should be able to move on...
i should be able to bury my face agianst micheal's skin and wrap my body in his innocent warmth and not have think about the dragon-hearted pirate who hated me so...
hated me?
maybe i reminded him of himself...
i will never now know...
i sit here and the tears i swore would never fall coat my cheek...
i wish that the Fenrir of my psyche would swallow this blazing sun of self recimination and soul-searching that chases around -endlessly, scrabbling for purchase- in my mind...

LEAVE ME, CURSE YOU!

I HAVE NO MORE DOUBTS UPON WHICH YOU CAN FEED!

just leave me alone... please...