monday
damn, did it again....the blasted titles keep getting away from me....
anyway....
today, eh...it's been a day from hell, i guess, i dunno....i haven't really been paying attention, i just sorta floated through it, feeling fuzzy and benevolent towards the tiny people who scurried by me wrapped up in themselves, jostled in the seas of humanity, and wondering... where has my empathy gone? i'm not saying i felt compassion, but i did understand what most people felt in a clinical sort of way...i did not care, and i still don't, but i do not kid myself that it doesn't effect me anymore, i am just....confused, i would say... about these new things i am to take into account...how the opinion of so many is hard to avoid, even if it does for me exactly nihil (latin, look it up) ... people bothe me more,now, used to they made me resonate, i would vibrate with the mental onslought a hundred voices around me, through me, and within me, and now... it hurts... it's tearing me apart... i need to hibernate, probably...or brumate, rather, i'm said to be a snake in the grass anyway, might as well do things properly
anyway twice....
soooooooo....nothing doing here, as usual, home is where the heart is and everything, but rather, home is more where one goes to retreat...can't wait to get my own place, though common sense is to stay at home for a few more years, as it saves me big money on houseing in college *grrrr*... patience is, if anything, the only thing i have going for me... i just hope i don't wait too long and get my wings shriveled through lack of use...though the perks of being in the big school is more time to do stuff outside without a curfew... speaking of which, what's up with my life now?!? sudden;y i get to do all this stuff and mum is like, ok, be home for dinner, what gives? i could have doen with this sort of free time long before now....though i'm not going to go about nosing into it for fear that i shall jinx it...can't wait for christmas break though, that's when i get to go back to the place that was my home for ages 3 to 16...oh god, i miss jon and KT (i would marry them both if i could, and we could live in a gingerbread house in alaska and get tax breaks... :))sometimes i wake up at night, howling at the moon...all i know is that something happened in my dreams that i see them... and the pang of seperation is almost more then i can bear... strange that, usually, i don't think about people for the LONGEST time when i go, i'm sort of an "all times are now" person (as is Aslan, but he's a lion and that quote is in the Voyage of the Dawn treader)... i keep thinking it can't possible be as long as it's been since i left...
anyway thrice....
doing deoxyribonucleic acid in class...what? you don't know DNA when you see it? how shameful... i thought everyone knew about that sort of thing! anyway, this is going to be a slightly easier unit for me, having had genetic stuff hammered into me early on freshman year with a stick and a teacher named t-dawg (now that sounds mildly disturbing...) she was great... but like i said, never going to forget any of that stuff -forEVER-
oh praises of joy, stuart and i are almost done with our fruit flies (we're on our LAST cross)...*sigh* i might miss the little buggers (ha ha... bug-gers... ha ha ) when they're all dead and gone....hermm, let me think.... NOT AT ALL... *sheesh*, more trouble then they're worth... you see? this is why kids would not be good for me, if i can't handle fruit flies, what makes people think i can handle children?????!?!?! actaully, i'm good with kids, i treat them like i treat puppies... which is a sight better then i treat most grown-ups... feed them, clean up after them, and put them down for a nap in front of the fire on a fluffy rug... *grins and chuckles at the mental image that conjures up*
anyway....
today, eh...it's been a day from hell, i guess, i dunno....i haven't really been paying attention, i just sorta floated through it, feeling fuzzy and benevolent towards the tiny people who scurried by me wrapped up in themselves, jostled in the seas of humanity, and wondering... where has my empathy gone? i'm not saying i felt compassion, but i did understand what most people felt in a clinical sort of way...i did not care, and i still don't, but i do not kid myself that it doesn't effect me anymore, i am just....confused, i would say... about these new things i am to take into account...how the opinion of so many is hard to avoid, even if it does for me exactly nihil (latin, look it up) ... people bothe me more,now, used to they made me resonate, i would vibrate with the mental onslought a hundred voices around me, through me, and within me, and now... it hurts... it's tearing me apart... i need to hibernate, probably...or brumate, rather, i'm said to be a snake in the grass anyway, might as well do things properly
anyway twice....
soooooooo....nothing doing here, as usual, home is where the heart is and everything, but rather, home is more where one goes to retreat...can't wait to get my own place, though common sense is to stay at home for a few more years, as it saves me big money on houseing in college *grrrr*... patience is, if anything, the only thing i have going for me... i just hope i don't wait too long and get my wings shriveled through lack of use...though the perks of being in the big school is more time to do stuff outside without a curfew... speaking of which, what's up with my life now?!? sudden;y i get to do all this stuff and mum is like, ok, be home for dinner, what gives? i could have doen with this sort of free time long before now....though i'm not going to go about nosing into it for fear that i shall jinx it...can't wait for christmas break though, that's when i get to go back to the place that was my home for ages 3 to 16...oh god, i miss jon and KT (i would marry them both if i could, and we could live in a gingerbread house in alaska and get tax breaks... :))sometimes i wake up at night, howling at the moon...all i know is that something happened in my dreams that i see them... and the pang of seperation is almost more then i can bear... strange that, usually, i don't think about people for the LONGEST time when i go, i'm sort of an "all times are now" person (as is Aslan, but he's a lion and that quote is in the Voyage of the Dawn treader)... i keep thinking it can't possible be as long as it's been since i left...
anyway thrice....
doing deoxyribonucleic acid in class...what? you don't know DNA when you see it? how shameful... i thought everyone knew about that sort of thing! anyway, this is going to be a slightly easier unit for me, having had genetic stuff hammered into me early on freshman year with a stick and a teacher named t-dawg (now that sounds mildly disturbing...) she was great... but like i said, never going to forget any of that stuff -forEVER-
oh praises of joy, stuart and i are almost done with our fruit flies (we're on our LAST cross)...*sigh* i might miss the little buggers (ha ha... bug-gers... ha ha ) when they're all dead and gone....hermm, let me think.... NOT AT ALL... *sheesh*, more trouble then they're worth... you see? this is why kids would not be good for me, if i can't handle fruit flies, what makes people think i can handle children?????!?!?! actaully, i'm good with kids, i treat them like i treat puppies... which is a sight better then i treat most grown-ups... feed them, clean up after them, and put them down for a nap in front of the fire on a fluffy rug... *grins and chuckles at the mental image that conjures up*
posted by silver at 3:57 PM
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